THESECOND

I can't explain what it is exactly that I feel when I cut myself. But it sure is hella good.
See, the thing is that there is so much in my mind; so much pain. There is no end to it and it's the most terrifying thing in the world; wanting to die, but not knowing why or how. Not knowing how to prevent yourself from jumping off a building, and not knowing when the pain will finally pass.
When I cut myself, I do it for several reasons. The main reason is that for a fraction of a moment, the problem is not in my mind anymore; I am letting it out. I can literally see the pain and explain what it looks like and how it got there in the first place. And I know for a fact that it will pass.
Mental pain is the opposite of all this. What is it? What does it feel like? Why am I feeling the way I feel? Will it ever pass? When will it, if it does so in the first place? How?!
I'm scared though. What if my parents see my fresh wounds? What if I have to go into a clinic aain, or maybe a mental hospital, even?
And what, what if.. What if I fit in there?
C