POOLPARTY

I went swimming with my mother Ivone and my sister Melissa today.
You have no idea.
I hate being in the sun for too long; it feels as if I am getting wrinkles at the spot,- as if the sun is literally drying up my skin that fast. I am terribly white and even though I don't like it some times, I like it most of the time. I think it's one of the nicest things I have, because it's kinda.. Unique? Or something. It's sort of shine through; you'd only know if you know me. My legs are white as snow and my belly is white as wet snow. My face is spotless (except when I'm on my period, as the ladies will probably understand, haha) and I don't want to loose that.
I hate being in a bathing suit or a bikini; I hate showing my body to others in that way,- it makes me feel fragile. I'm not ashamed of my body when it comes to sex, that's different: it's about power and will and movements and it makes me confident. But when I'm out in the open, simply walking around in my bathing suit/bikini, I feel vulnerable. I'm as insecure as a baby would be in a bar.
I hate swimming; I used to love swimming, because it was one of the ways I could burn a lot of carbs with in little time. I used to swim Nationals in Holland around the age of 13/14, but when my anorexia became worse and worse and I weighed less and less, my parents decided that I should give up on swimming (full-stop). I guess it was their way of trying to make me 'better'. Do I think it worked? On the contrary. But that's another story. Nowadays, I just simply can't stand the idea of swimming; all those countless, endless, useless laps that I've swum and that I'm supposed to swim again (to get my physical shape for dance better)(a goal I set myself, how'd you know?).. It just gets to me. I used to love it. Why can't I love it again?
Especially after today, after having spent that quality time with my mom and my sister, I wonder why I just can't switch on the button that makes me like swimming again. It was obvious that both my mother and my sister liked the fact that I was with them for once, but I felt super uncomfortable.
Sigh.
And then..The camera appeared out of the nowhere.
And then..There were pictures.
Now, for the people that haven't got a clear image of me: I do not appreciate it when people take pictures of me. Especially candid shots. I get snappy and try to over-act everything I do, simply because of the insecurity.

Nevertheless, here some photos (for bigger images, just click on them). Isn't my sister a real beauty?
Melissa (SO PRETTY!):

(Being her silly self):

(More of her inner being):

Me (can you see the dancer in me? Always dance poses, haha!):

(More dancing in the air):

(Proof of why I hate bathing suits/bikinis + photocameras):