THEFOURTH

Completely zoned out am I writing this right now. My sight keeps blurring and my head spins every now and again. The drugs my psychiatrist prescribed me are definitely doing something, but what exactly?!! I am scared and want to die.
I feel like I'm going crazy and I belong in an institute. I don't feel sane. I don't feel clean. It itches,- my brain itches.
Today was Mother's Day and I woke up around 1pm, home alone. I was alone until about 5:30pm and to me, it felt as if the entire family forgout about me and was just celebrating without me. I actually really knew where they were, not off celebrating, but I couldn't help feeling helpless and alone. Scared and lonely, yet again.
It was as if they didn't really want me there in the first place; they left no note behind, they didn't call until they were close to getting home and basically.. they just left 'crazy me' at home.
I wish I knew where I belonged. Not at home and maybe not in an institute, but right now I'm just wandering in between those two.
I pray for strength.
C