"I know what conscience is, to begin with. It is not what you told me it was. It is the divinest thing in us. Don't sneer at it, Harry, any more - at least not before me. I want to be good. I can't bear the idea of my soul being hideous." Oscar Wilde (The Picture Of Dorian Gray)

2.2.09

Jealousy, jealousy ..is such an evil thing.

Tim Scott has a new girlfriend.

"Tanya"


I knew it when I saw a conversation of them on some pictures on facebook (I know, I know, I'm a possessive girlfriend. But isn't that what you're supposed to be when you're "in love" and you like each other? Isn't that what you're supposed to be when you're "together"? Isn't the entire idea of being together, just to be that and nothing less?). I just knew it.
Now we broke up and he's already over me. A couple of weeks ago he was all like; 'Oh, I miss you so much, you have a very special place in my heart, I will never forget you, I hope I can come to Hong Kong soon so I can do all these things with you [I was talking about a certain island close to HK Island] and there is this amazing thing I just discovered in Derby that you just HAVE to see. You should really try the fish&chips there too, by the way; they're great!!' BLAHBLAHBLAHBULLSHITBLAHBLAH.

Jesus Christ.
Have I ever done this to him after we 'broke up'? NO.
So don't go giving me all crap about how much you miss me and then start dating someone else (who lives on the other side of the United-fucking-Kingdom, may I add!!!!!) two weeks after that.


Jealous?
Indeed.

And I was having such a lovely day today....
God, I feel so bad right now. I just want to throw things around and binge. Or starve. Or binge. Or starve. Or puke. Or binge. Or starve. Or just all of them.
I don't feel depressed. I'm not depressed,- I'm happy. I'm a very happy person. I just happen to be a very happy person that is very annoyed right now.

And yes, indeed,- jealous.


5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey Camilla,

Cheer up, it's not like he's doing anything wrong... so he moved on quicker than you but that's nothing negative towards you. Of course it's harsh to see him with that girl, that's always causing jaleousy, but you just have to get used to it...

I hope you're doing okay and you're still happy like you say.

Kiss Marc

Camilla said...

It's not about him moving on. I'm happy he's moving on, because that is what I am doing. Life is there to be lived and I'm trying to go on. But having someone telling me that he loves me (in a letter that was 5 pages long, too, if I may add that to the equation right here) and then having another girlfriend like 2 weeks afterwards, is just bullshit.
People can't just expect to be able to grip a sponge tightly without any of the previously water that was absorbed dripping out of it (or in this case: gushing, almost). At one point, the sponge is full and it just can't take anything up anymore and that is what just happened.
These are the things that make me feel dirty. I just feel dirty right now.

I love you.

Charlotte de Gier said...

Liefste Camilla!

aargh, wat F-ing irritant, zeg.
Boos zijn mag, maar niet te lang, he, daarvoor ben je veels te leuk!
How was Zwitserland?
Ik ben gewoon naar AIFW geweest :|
Amazingness, maar ik ga meer posten daarover, dus.

Cheer up girl ^^.
I love you!

Eduardo Palandi said...

olá, Camilla,

coloque os sentimentos para fora. escreva tudo o que está a sentir, desabafe com os amigos (é para isso que eles servem) e entenda: se ele já tinha outra pessoa antes, tu se livraste de um cretino. se não, ele é apenas um parvo, e alguém que certamente não sabe o que é amar, tamanha a facilidade com que se envolve.

do you want me writing in English or should I keep writing in Portuguese?

kiss,

Eduardo

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