"I know what conscience is, to begin with. It is not what you told me it was. It is the divinest thing in us. Don't sneer at it, Harry, any more - at least not before me. I want to be good. I can't bear the idea of my soul being hideous." Oscar Wilde (The Picture Of Dorian Gray)

3.2.09

The G-Force has done it again!

Spoke to Greg again today (after a week and a half); he told me that he broke up with Claudia (he was in this love-triangle thing with her and Jaron)(I didn't quite get that, but then again.. I don't think he did either). I asked him why and then soon changed my mind; I did not want to know about anything anymore. His life is his and no matter how he lives it,- I can't do anything about it. It's not like I'll ever be a real part of it anyway. I'll never figure this guy out.
I said: '..or do you just not want to talk about it? That's fine too,' to which he answered: 'Well, just been down for a bit and things did not go that well, but now things go well again and I'm back with Christine.'

Christine is the ex-girlfriend, who is now no longer to be considered 'the ex', but 'the girl'.
Yes, this was the one he still wasn't over when I met him. In fact: the night we met, they had broken up. This was the one that would take him a while to forget, to get over it.
And now they're back together; just like that.

I don't think anyone knows what this does to me right now. I hardly know myself. It's so hard to explain, because I haven't had any sleep for the past 3 days (this is the 4th night in a row I can't sleep) and that is quite getting to me now (it is about 3:35am right now). I'm so tired and I'm hallucinating things (this is what happens with everyone, if you don't sleep regularly/well).. It is freaky, very freaky.

But I can at least try to say something about all this..

It's just that Tim moved on so quickly, so easily. And this made me realise how easily Greg disappeared as well. Why? Why can't I hold onto people?
It just makes me wonder what's wrong with me, when people leave like this, that's all.




Edit: May I please add that Greg and I were not together, in any way whatsoever. Just so there won't be any misunderstandings and stuff..
"I fake a smile so he won't see."



4 comments:

Eduardo Palandi said...

será que há mesmo algo de errado contigo, Camilla? pode ser apenas falta de sorte, já que nem sempre acertamos de primeira - especialmente no amor - e que, como te disse, nossas vidas, ao contrário dos filmes, não duram apenas duas horas.

eu adoptei o lema de um amigo meu: "fazendo errado até dar certo". ou seja: tentar quantas vezes forem necessárias, assim como tu. há uma velha canção dos Pulp chamada "Sylvia", cujo refrão diz o seguinte:

So keep believing
and do what you do,
I can't help you but I know things are gonna get better.
And please stop asking what it's got to do with you.
Oh, keep believing cos you know that you deserve better.


vá ouvi-la e coloque um sorriso no rosto, sim? :)

beijo,

Eduardo

Anonymous said...

Look, there's nothing wrong with you. Just because you don't have a new boyfriend in two weeks makes you only more human.

Camilla said...

Dankje, Marc. Het gaat er niet om dat ik geen nieuw vriendje heb na 2 weken,- het gaat erom dat ik niet de moeite waard lijk te zijn voor mensen om herinnerd te worden, terwijl ze me wel zeggen dat ze dat zullen doen. Of de woorden betekenen niets meer, omdat ze door de jaren door teveel gebruik zijn gaan beginnen te slijten. Het is of dat, of ik ben gewoon een vlekje op hun ziel, wat na een bepaalde tijd door de regen wegspoelt.
Dat is niet echt een fijne gedachte.

DMF said...

Olá Camila!!! Há algo de injustiça nesta coisa de variar muito. Não chegas a conhecer ninguiém devidamente e ninguém te chega a conhecer devidamente a ti. Ou seja, no meu entender, também as relações têm que ter um pouco de paciência. Se gostamos mesmo, devemos APROFUNDAR, que é olhar para o outro sem pressa e querer o melhor para ele, não para nós. Não esquecer que a essência do amor é dar, muito mais do que receber.