His name is Greg and it is insane how annoying I find him. He knows everything better and he rebuts everything that I say. Of course, I'm not too easy towards him and I do exactly the same thing. I keep repeating how repulsive he is and how much he disgusts me, but this only makes the attraction stronger and stronger. I've met him a couple of times now and every time I see him, there is something that draws me to him. It is not only attraction. It is not only lust. It is curiosity.
A couple of days ago, I sat down on the kitchen table (yes, on) and talked to my mother.
'Mom I've kissed a boy today. And I liked it.' (lol)
-Oh, and who is this boy?
'His name is Greg. He lives in Wan Chai.'
-Oh.
'I think that.. You know.. Soon, I will....'
*Silence.
'Well, you know..'
*Silence. Then, the enlightenment.
-Oooohh.
A couple of days later, she asked me if we were a couple. I told her the truth.
'No, but we are unofficially, I think. I don't know, to be honest. It's a bit.... Getting started, but not there yet, you understand?'
-Hmm.
'I mean. Look, it's like this: he would have the right to be angry if I would kiss someone else and I would have the right to be angry if he would do so. So in that way, you could say that we're together.'
-Hmm..
That was it basically. I don't know what else to tell her. I have been wearing a scarf since Wednesday now, because of all the hickeys he left in my neck, but it's so weird to tell your mother that you've got hickeys. It's not like I'm going to show her..
It is funny to think of how I'm not with Greg. We only have the physical thing going on. Not too long ago, Tim S. and I broke up, because of the entire distance thing. About a month and a half, Greg and his girlfriend broke up as well and he told me he's still not over it. This is a good thing, actually, because I'm not over Tim B., let alone Tim S. We decided to keep things only physical.
'I don't want to give you any wrong impressions. It's just physical.'
-I know.
So we've been pretty clear about this from the beginning, to prevent anything from going wrong. But something did go wrong. I don't know who, but someone crossed the line. If I am completely honest, I have to say that I think it was him. He started telling me about his girlfriend and how he wasn't over her. He started to say out loud, what he thought I was and why. He said that the best thing about me was, that even though I had been through a lot in my life (he didn't even know half of it all), I was still standing here, with my arms spread, ready to take everything as it comes at me. He said that he admired me for how I catched up all the punches, fell down and kept getting up on my feet again, to open my arms to invite life's punches in again. That is the biggest compliment someone has ever given to me. After saying this, however, I asked him what he thought would be the most hurtful thing to say to me,- what would hurt my pride. He could never be more right. 'Don't take this wrong: but you are a coward. You're scared.' Never ever in my life, have words touched me more than those 11 words at the time. Re-reading them makes me blink with astonishment. I never knew that anyone could come so close to the truth and be so shameless to actually say it out loud. I love it.
But what I don't love, is getting wrong impressions. And even though we were being extra clear, so we would prevent anything bad from happening, and said it would only be physical, he did, in fact, end up giving me a wrong impression. He was the one that said 'no intimate stuff, no emotional stuff, etc.', but he was also the one that started 'the intimate stuff' and 'the emotional stuff'. I do not know what to think now, but I have to admit that thinking that he's starting to actually like me, is the last thing I will allow myself to do. Especially considering the fact that this happened on the second day of the 'physical thing'.
Is that a good sign? Or a really, really bad one?
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