Wah, so fantastic & fantastically confusing.

Dearest people of all,

Yesterday I went to Pacific Place to meet up with Billy.
I don't believe I have ever properly mentioned Billy before.
I hate to mention certain names too often, but to portray who he is and how I know him, I'm afraid I have to mention the shittiest name in existence. Greg. It's not as if I met him through Greg or anything, but I met him on the same evening. Now, as I recall, I have never mentioned when I met Greg either, so that might be a problem. But now I come to think of it: it's only a problem if you want it to. Anyway, let's proceed, shall we?
I've known Billy for a month now and i don't know, but since the moment we met I had this.. Feeling. There's not really a way for me to properly explain it. I sort of knew that something was going to happen, whether it'd be good or bad didn't really matter. He was pretty drunk the night we met and couldn't even properly remember my name (he called me Claudia when I asked him if he remembered my name) and after having not seen him for about 10 minutes (he disappeared all of a sudden), he was back and asked me for my number. 'I'd like to meet you, can I have your number?'
My immediate response was a bit ..dodgy: 'How about when you're sober?'
I kinda liked him from the beginning though, but I just don't give my number to people of whom it's the first time I've seen them, especially not if they're drunk. But yeah- I don't have a cell phone anyway (no joke)(I know, don't ask, it's painful), so it wasn't that big a deal, I guess.
When Greg was teaching me how to juggle the evening we all met, Billy jumped in between us and said: 'Watch him, he's very inappropriate!' I answered with: 'I noticed. In the time he's been supposedly teaching me how to juggle, he's touched my breast about 4 times already.' Greg decided to make it a little worse: 'What? You actually saw that? I thought I was being subtle.. Well, what can I say? I'm British. I can't help myself.'
Pig.
This completely portrays what he's like and how much I can't stand him.


So ok, how I ended up going to Billy's yesterday, is pretty obvious. We kept in touch over Facebook and MSN and at one point, his ex-girlfriend (that I know through work) asked me if we were going out. I told her we weren't ('If you mean Billy and I.. No, we're not. At least not yet. I don't know..') and she started to tell me how he mentioned me a couple of times and that he liked me. I didn't know what to believe, but after she mentioned it, I did notice how much we talked and the way we talked. I decided to just.. Ask him.
I said: 'Don't get me wrong, sometimes my mind plays dirty tricks on me, so I get things completely wrong and I make a complete and utter fool out of myself.. But, I get the notion that you like me. Sorry if I get it wrong, though..' and his immediate response was: 'Your mind is not playing tricks on you. Now, I get the notion that you like me too,' to which I couldn't do anything but be frank: 'Well observed.'

Got there, 10 minutes late. Some of you would say: 'Fashionably late!', but I'm not a fan of being late. Anywhere. I always feel terrible. But this time I had a good excuse! My sister and I were being stalked by this guy from Pakistan who wanted our numbers. He kept on talking to us about being our best friend now and how his brother was going to be married on the 1st of March. Good for you.. I mean, I was really happy for the guy and he was really nice ('I think you are very sweet and bootiful girls'), but I mean come on. He was just.. Gross. Bleh, ANYWAY (:
I got there, 10 minutes late, and I started to rant about what had happened, considering the Pakistan-guy. We went up to his apartment (absolutely GORGEOUS!! I felt like getting my camera out of my bag and taking pictures of everything. What absolute taste those people have- it's INSANE!!) and watched 2 movies: Mallrats and Breakfast At Tiffany's (I know right! He made me watch a guy-movie and I made him watch a girl-movie. Choice was easily made which movie it was going to be).
Then we kissed (I don't want to go into details about that, thank you) and then again and then some more. Then we had dinner with les parents (wah, great dinner. The dad cooked and it was just.. Great. There's no other word for it) and, in my opinion, that went well. I asked Billy if his parents liked me and he said they did. 'How can you tell?' I asked.
'They're my parents. I just notice,- it's the way they act.'
Well, whether they like me or not: I love them. Great people. They were so nice to me and the mother was talking about the First Date with the father and it was just stunning to see those people fall back in love again. Amazing.
I hope I don't screw up when I see them next time.

BECAUSE YES! THERE WILL BE A NEXT TIME.


There was a little slip in the language, though, I'm afraid. I suck at English, when it comes to speaking, but I'm pretty keen on the exact meaning of certain words and of how and when to use them. Billy is leaving in half a year for the US, to go to University there. I told him how I would kill myself if I would fall in love with him (Billy is exactly the kind of guy I would fall in love with and then get my heart broken over) and after about.. 2 sentences? Yeah, something like that. After about 2 sentences he asked me if I would be his girlfriend for the time being; between now and half a year from now. 'Would you be my girlfriend?'
Now, I don't know, but the word 'would' doesn't mean the same as the word 'will', does it? I'm a huge language-freak and I just.. It just doesn't mean the same thing. I said: 'I would be, yes.'
I said I would be.
Then I got on my bus and went home.

Billy's great. I really like him. But I don't know what to do about this. We're together now, I suppose, and that is all fine with me. Whenever I am with him, I feel great. I feel beautiful and at ease and I don't want to leave. When I'm with him, I don't think about July, I don't think about broken hearts, I just think about having a good time, as long as it lasts. But then when he's gone, I start freaking out about July, I start to panic about what might happen. I might fall in love, I might get my heart broken, etc.. But then again, that's not a 'will'. I won't necessarily fall in love and get my heart broken.
So, YES. I don't know what to do. I guess.. Nothing? Just staying with him (:
This means I don't need an excuse to say 'no' to Greg anymore, which is actually pretty convenient, IF the DICK ever decides to contact me again. Blegh. He's so disgusting. I just want that DVD out of my bag, out of my house.


I think that a nice conclusion to this shit post might be the words:

I really like Billy.


[If this is the last post I will post in a long time, it is because I have been smacking my head against a brick wall, after having found out that Billy read this post.]