The Park

Here a sequel to the (pretty recent) story Juggling Coke Bottles. The story Juggling Coke Bottles was written from the point of view of the female persona in the story, but this story is written from the point of view of the guy.
I fail.
I need to edit it quite a lot, but I can't be bothered at the moment, to be honest, as I'm in a terrible piss-mood and just want to throw vases against the wall and smack my head against it as well. Or something like that, at least.
Hope you all are doing better.



THE PARK:

"I don't have much time, because Patrick's waiting for me." She threw a glance in the direction of the entrance of the park. I followed the direction of her eyes and could see that, just around the corner, there stood a broad bloke, with his arms crossed over each other. He was obviously waiting for something,- or someone. She looked at me again and continued talking: "..but I just wanted to say a couple of things."
I gulped the lump in my throat down and said: "What?"
Her eyes scrutinised me. They were bright blue and they seemed to look right through me whenever she was playing this trick on me. She knew I couldn't handle her looking at me that way,- I never told her, but she should definitely have noticed. Don't girls always notice those things? I found it so hard to look straight back at her, but I tried. I really did. What do you want?

"I have a boyfriend," she said.
What?
"I have a boyfriend and I came here to tell you so. This leaves me two options. It leaves me the option to tell you that I have a boyfriend, but that I still want you." Pause. I looked at her, I guess a bit confused. She looked to the floor and then quickly added: "Just physically, of course," she shrugged, found my eyes again. "We would continue whatever it is we had before it stopped and we wouldn't tell anyone. It would be our own, exciting secret." I still looked at her. I was doing pretty well, I think. But for how long?
She sighed, then continued. "This would be the entire story and the entire truth as well, now it comes to that. But there is another option." Pause. I noted she was struggling to keep looking right at me, yet still she went on. "The second option I have, is to tell you that I have a boyfriend and that would be it,- that would be the entire story. And it's true, it's not a lie or anything. I would just pretend that there wasn't more to tell and you would just have to pretend I had never mentioned the first option."

I nodded, tried to push another lump in my throat down. It fell right into my stomach.
I couldn't look at her anymore, so I decided to try to carelessly look at a couple that was sitting on one of the benches in the park, on Stephanie's left hand and my right. "Right," I was able to push over my lips, but only barely. I was starting to feel more and more uncomfortable, as the seconds ticked away.
"Mm-hm.." followed by something she mumbled. "I prefer the second option, so let's follow that one," she threw another glance into the direction of the entrance and then added, breathlessly, "for now."
"Yes," I brought out, trying to look unaffected.
"This, of course, brings up other options, but this time they are not meant for me to be followed. I'll tell you the two options that my decision has left you with. When I walk away, you can decide to do... Well.. Nothing. You just stare at my back until I've walked towards the entrance, hugged Patrick and walked away with him, without having looked back at you one last time. But there's another option. When I walk away, you could choose to follow." The last few words, she uttered in a way as if she stretched every syllable. "Again, I prefer the second one. I prefer you coming after me, calling my name and touching my elbow. I prefer you asking me what the fuck this all means and if this really is what I want. And I prefer you to call me a bitch." The look in her eyes was cold and distanced when I looked back at her,- she almost looked like a stranger. Do all girls change this radically over the course of one conversation?

"This is the moment where I walk away and try to say goodbye, in case you're not coming after me." She smiled that crooked smile of hers. It was the best thing about her,- it was completely real and didn't leave any questions whatsoever behind with me. "As you can see, I'm not really good at it though," she continued nervously, fidgeting her sleeve. "Well.. I guess I'll see you around, then. Bye, David."
I didn't say anything. I mean, what would you have said? What the fuck...

"Hey, Steph! Steph!! Wait up!" Before I knew it, I stood in front of her again and did all of the things she told me she preferred. "Why are you telling me all this?! We haven't been together in private since.. Last March. Why the fuck are you telling me all this, Steph?"
Her eyes crawled back up again, starting at my feet and ending at the most personal spot a person possesses... The soul. Still, she did not say a word. She wanted me to go through the hell of having to repeat everything she mentioned before.
"Is this what you want? What is it that you want, anyway? What did I do? I didn't do anything. I have always been honest with you and I have always been as clear as I could be. I even kept your jacket aside for you to come pick it up, but you never came. What did I do?!"
No motion. No motion, whatsoever. I thought I saw her hands turn into tight fists, at the sides of her body, but I didn't care, actually. It were her eyes that were impersonal; it were the eyes that got to me. I didn't know this person.
"Jesus, Steph, why are you being such a bitch? Why are you doing this? What do you want me to say?!" I threw my hands in the air, hopelessly. Wanting to find something else to vex my attention on to calm myself down a bit and to, once more, seem a tad careless, my eyes shot at the bench where the couple had been sitting a couple of minutes before. They had left.
Stephanie looked at me for a few seconds that seemed to last an eternity, but at the same time, she would never seem to take long enough. And then she smiled. Her lips curled and as she chuckled softly, her eyes rolled. Her body loosened up a little bit and she looked natural again,- herself. She blinked and for a moment it seemed like she was looking in the direction of the bloke at the entrance of the park again, but then she blinked once more and focused her look on our feet.
"Do you really think you've always been honest with me?" she asked, and she looked back up at me, comprehensively.
NO, I DON'T, but it's not like you'd understand anyway, would you? Jesus Christ...
"What do you want me to say?" The lumps in my throat hadn't come back and I was trying not to scream and make a scene in the middle of the park. I felt completely hopeless and stupid and to make matters even worse, I felt her eyes piercing into my soul and I heard the sweet laughter I had always loved so much about her. Right now, however, it couldn't possibly be more of a curse.

"I'll tell you something. If you would have been honest from the beginning, I would not be having this fucking conversation with you this very moment; it would not have been too late. But like I said, I have a boyfriend now, and that is the end of our story," she said, with ever so piercing eyes. Every single word she used to emphasise what she was saying, felt like a hammer slamming me against the side of the head; slowly, painfully.
That's it, then, I thought.
But it wasn't.
"You hurt me, so I guess this was my turn to hurt you. I just wanted to see if I could hurt you just as much as you could hurt me," she whispered, her voice hoarse and fragile.
Carefully not to make any sudden movements, she leaned in cautiously to hold my elbow tenderly and then gave me the softest kiss I had ever had, on her favourite place of the corner of my lips.
"Goodbye, David," she said, with another crook smile. This smile, I also knew; depending on to which side her mouth hung, I knew if she meant it or not. She didn't, right now.
"Goodbye," I whispered.
Her lips curled a bit up again and her eyes looked friendly now, comprehensive. It was almost as if she looked sorry. She let go of my elbow and as she let her arm hang down, I felt two of her fingers stroke my underarm slightly. She stopped smiling and then turned around. I watched her walk towards Patrick and give him a hug. He looked at me, questioning. Quickly, I broke the eye-contact by looking at the floor and tried to make my mind clear of all thoughts.

I don't know for how long I stood there like that, but when I looked up, Stephanie and the guy that came with her had already left. I felt.. Blanked, cold; but at the same time all sorts of thoughts were racing through my mind with the speed of light and I felt my cheeks glowing,- of unbelief, anger.. Fear.
The moment I took off to go home, I saw the guy that had been sitting on the bench with his girlfriend coming towards me. He was holding something and as he drew closer, I saw it was a small piece of paper. He handed it over to me. "She asked me to give you this," he said. "Take care, man." He gave me a pat on the shoulder and then disappeared out of my life.

Trying badly not to stumble over my own feet, I walked slowly to the bench the couple had been sitting on. After fidgeting for a short while with fingers that were stiff from the cold and trembling heavily because of the adrenaline rushing through my veins, I finally unfolded the piece of paper and flattened it on my knee. It didn't take me long to recognise the handwriting on it, or the words that were written in it. I stopped reading when my eyes were half-way the surface of the paper. I never cried. Never.

"Oh my god," I breathed out. I am so sorry.