The broken lovebird.

A couple of days ago, Tim and I broke up. I told him that it is too hard to handle the distance and he understood. Especially because I want to go to the United States after another year and a half in Hong Kong and he'll be staying in the UK. It is not that I don't like you, I already wrote: I absolutely love him, with all of my heart. But what am I supposed to do? Restrict myself from all fun I can have over the coming years? Restricting him from all the fun he can have over the coming years?

As, from my point of view, it is supposed to fail, there is no point in restricting ourselves from anything. It just doesn't make sense to me to stay together, if we know that we are going to break up in a year or so anyway. So yeah.

When my aunt just asked me how my boyfriend was (over Skype), I got remembered of the crude fact that I didn't let the whole blogger-community know that.... I am  s i n g l e .

..

It doesn't feel like it though.

When there is an entire world in between of two people and they break up, you don't notice, because nothing really changes. The difference stays the same and it's not like you stop missing each other almost every moment of the day.

It's driving me insane, to be honest.

The only difference between now and then, is that I can actually say it out loud, when someone has a nice ass.

But whatever. What are we really talking about? I'm only 18.

I'm not even supposed to think of long term relationships and moving in.

The distance just makes it easier, I guess..

Anyway. I'm getting kind of confused. I think it's the whole thing about being 'single' again, but I don't know why everything has to happen at once again. I mean.. All of a sudden, 2 of the hottest girls in my year claim to be bi and honestly.. They are hot. Dayum.

I have a good friend, from Chinese International School, whom I hardly ever see, but whenever I do, I always feel attracted to her. It's just not fair how people that you know are not good for you (considering relationships or just 'quick flings'), always are the people you find yourself attracted to mostly.

This holidays, I already met a lot of new people. Some of them are just a year above me in school (still younger than I am, though) and others are on a holiday. One of them is called David and he's in my school now (as I said: the year above mine). I met him when I went out a couple of days ago and we basically chilled with some mutual friends until 4 in the morning, hehe. Another guy that I met that night, doesn't go to my school anymore. He used to be in David's class, but he moved to Canada (-.-). His name is Pascal and he's Swiss. We alway speak French with one another and he's actually one of the most awesome people I've ever met, hehe. Just friends though, but it's fun to flirt. No harm in that, right?

Ok but the girls.. That just sucks. 

My parents don't know I am bi, by the way. I've known since I was 12/13 and it's not that I am ashamed or afraid to tell them (well, I may be the last one....). I just want to have a reason to tell them. You don't tell you're parents you're straight either, do you?

Now ok, I know,- it's not all and all the same, but I just want to have a reason to risk fighting with my parents. I'm not particularly looking forward to it anyway and I want to wait until I find the right person to 'come out' with. When I'm actually sure of the person, I can start talking about the fact that I like both sexes.

It's actually a lot more logical to like both than just one (either through being straight or being gay)(it's all the same to me; restrictions). Why? Well, let me ask you something. Have you never told your girlfriends that 'it's all about the inside' and that 'it doesn't matter what someone looks like, as long as he/she is a good person and benefits you as a person' ?

If you say that you've never said either one of those or both, you either lie or you're weird. Everybody should at least have said it 3 times or have thought it.

Actually, I don't really care a lot about what you've said or thought. The point is, that I think it is hypocritical to say things like that, but at the same time restrict yourself to liking only one sex. Now I know: you don't restrict yourself,- you get born that way. Unless you don't 'label' yourself. I hate labeling, but I label myself, because I know that's what I am: bi.

I love people. I love being in love. I don't see the logic in falling in love with only one sex, because wasn't it 'about the inside'? You fall in love with the person, not with the way he or she looks. Or you're a hypocrite.

To be honest, I never claimed only to fall for the inside of a person. I think it's a lie. But as almost every single creature on the planet seems to be willing to lie to themselves and believe that,- ah well. I think that sexuality isn't about 'falling in love', but with attraction. Love is completely different from attraction. I could tell,- there was this one guy who got on my nerves SO badly, but I still wanted him really really badly. He wasn't necessarily 'hot' or 'handsome', but he just had that ...'something'.

Now, personally.. I don't relate that to sexuality. I don't see why someone from the same sex can't be attractive in your eyes. Wouldn't it be a bit hypocritical of us to say that we don't feel attracted to our friends from the same sex, at least a BIT? When you're friends, you should see that special something in each other,- you should see the good things, no matter how many 'bad' things there appear to be. You're friends,- you're supposed to see those special things in each other.

I might just be a freak.

But ok. I just came out on the internet. On my blog. Which is being read regularly by my aunt and uncle from Portugal. Yes. Family.

Ok.

I'm gonna go slam my head against a wall now. (:

Fare thee well, lovebirds!