Sometimes love comes around, and it knocks you down. You know it's not a good idea to get involved, but it's love, so you do it anyway. You know something bad will come out of it, but hey, it's love, so you do it anyway. You're not meant to be, but you want to be; you just happened. You never know what can come out of it, except for the bad. But when it's love, you get a kick out of it anyway. It doesn't matter how long it lasts, because memories last forever.
I know I'm not one to preach, especially not when it comes to love. But let me ask you one thing: if you knew you would die tomorrow, what would you do today? If you don't enjoy things as long as they're there, then how are you going to enjoy the memories afterwards? We're all waiting for the One, but what do we do in the meantime? We have to be in our prime for the One, and the thing that most gets us in our prime, is loving. So stop waiting in the rain, telling everyone that passes by you're waiting for the One. And go out. Find people you can love. People that will knock you down, and people that will help you to get back up again.
One of them will be the One. And you will be in your prime.
Now go on, I dare you. Love me.
13.7.10
9.7.10
ONEDAY..
He put a leaf in the booklet she was writing in, and said:´Now write a story about that, that starts with "And he put a leaf in her booklet."´ She said she couldn´t,- it would reveal too much, because it would be too personal. She wrote stories about everything and nothing, but never about him. She always had him on her mind, though.
She translated one of her stories for him and showed it to him. He didn´t have a reply for anything,- he was struck wordless..by only words.
This girl had his heart and soul, and made him fall in love with her within only days. For some reason, he had a feeling that it would only get stronger as time would go by. She was special, this girl. She could see right through him, without trying very hard. At least that was what it seemed like.
In reality, she needed a lot of energy and patience to see through those beautiful blue eyes of his. She knew things about him that most people didn´t know, nor himself.
But one day, she promised herself, she would tell him everything. And one day, he promised himself, he would find the words to say. He would know how to say ´I love you.´
She translated one of her stories for him and showed it to him. He didn´t have a reply for anything,- he was struck wordless..by only words.
This girl had his heart and soul, and made him fall in love with her within only days. For some reason, he had a feeling that it would only get stronger as time would go by. She was special, this girl. She could see right through him, without trying very hard. At least that was what it seemed like.
In reality, she needed a lot of energy and patience to see through those beautiful blue eyes of his. She knew things about him that most people didn´t know, nor himself.
But one day, she promised herself, she would tell him everything. And one day, he promised himself, he would find the words to say. He would know how to say ´I love you.´
TIMELEFT.
And we lose ourselves in each other´s arms. We go to the beach, have a picnik, smoke up, and lie in each other´s embrace. His red skin burns agains my pale skin, as he lies in my lap, and when he turns his head, his blue-green eyes ask me questions about life, death, God, time, sex, and the world. His body wants me, but his head protests.
-What´s the use of falling in love and give your heart and soul to someone who you know you won´t end up with?
But it´s too late now, Romeo and Juliet, it´s too late. You got yourself and the other person in a situation you would rather not be in, trust me.
But for now, let us enjoy our joint on the beach. Let us enjoy the sun, and each other´s embrace.
The little time we have left. My darling, my love.
-What´s the use of falling in love and give your heart and soul to someone who you know you won´t end up with?
But it´s too late now, Romeo and Juliet, it´s too late. You got yourself and the other person in a situation you would rather not be in, trust me.
But for now, let us enjoy our joint on the beach. Let us enjoy the sun, and each other´s embrace.
The little time we have left. My darling, my love.
EVERYTIMEHESMILES.
There are those little things we love in life. Clean bathrooms, babies, the cherry on top of the whip cream, watching our lovers comb their hair. And watch them smile.
Have you ever watched the horizon right after the sun has set? It reminds me of what his eyes look like when that same sun shines upon his lovely face. He smiles and the world opens up. He smiles and his book opens up,- he tells me stories. He smiles and he makes me smile.
There is a little part between his teeth that´s open,- it makes me want to giggle everytime I see it. Everytime he smiles.
I don´t know what it is that hits me everytime he smiles, but something does.
It´s not love, it´s deeper than that.
I know I fuck up time and time again, but one day I´ll make him mine. I will be right up there in his league, or he will be right down here in mine. I know this, because his smile tells me that whatever happens, he will be there, and won´t let me go.
It´s the wrinkles in the skin around his eyes that tell me that.
Everytime he smiles.
Have you ever watched the horizon right after the sun has set? It reminds me of what his eyes look like when that same sun shines upon his lovely face. He smiles and the world opens up. He smiles and his book opens up,- he tells me stories. He smiles and he makes me smile.
There is a little part between his teeth that´s open,- it makes me want to giggle everytime I see it. Everytime he smiles.
I don´t know what it is that hits me everytime he smiles, but something does.
It´s not love, it´s deeper than that.
I know I fuck up time and time again, but one day I´ll make him mine. I will be right up there in his league, or he will be right down here in mine. I know this, because his smile tells me that whatever happens, he will be there, and won´t let me go.
It´s the wrinkles in the skin around his eyes that tell me that.
Everytime he smiles.
DEFYINGDESTINY.
We weren´t meant to be, but truth is that we just want to, and that in itself is enough for us to defy destiny.
And now destiny is smiling at us because of that.
It´s like I ran a race, and only won first place.
And now destiny is smiling at us because of that.
It´s like I ran a race, and only won first place.
THETREE.
´After this holiday you´re never gonna wanna let me go, you know that, right?´ Nina says with a smile on her face.
´We´ll see about that then, dollface,´ Carlos winks at her.
´I mean it, and you know it,´ she says, seriously but also teasing.
´I know,´ Carlos says, and he starts laughing.
They walk to the car. ´I´ll take you places you have never seen before,´ he says as he opens the door for her.
´Which are?´ Nina asks him. He laughs again.
´You´ll see, girl,´ is all he says. ´Now, tell me, what would you like to see first?´ he asks Nina absent mindedly.
´The best,´ she replies. He thinks for a while and then looks at her.
´Ok.´ He starts the car and when he stops the car again after an about two hour drive, he says: ´There you go. The best of the best. For you.´
´Where are we?´ Nina asks.
´My spot. Get out of the car.´
Nina opens the door and steps out. ´Oh my..´ she says.
´I know. It´s the best, isn´t it?´ Carlos says.
But all Nina can say is: ´Oh my.. This truly is beautiful.´ She runs her hand through her hair and rests it on her mouth.
´It is,´ Carlos agrees. ´Hey, I want to ask you something..´
´Wait a minute,´ Nina interrupts him. ´I just want to do something.´ She looks around her and sees a couple of trees standing. She finds the on closest to the edge. She walks up to the ree and climbs it. Carlos watches from beneath. ´What are you doing?´ he yells up the tree.
´Nothing,´ Nina yells down.
Carlos climbs up the ree as well. ´God, the view is even nicer from up here.´
´Look,´ Nina says proudly, with a pocket knife in her hand.
´Oh..´ Carlos looks at the name Nina carved in one of the branches of the tree they were sitting in.
"Carinho," it said. "Sweetheart."
´I love you, Nina.´
´I love you too,´ Nina smiles at Carlos, her "carinho".
´Give me the pocket knife for a sec,´ he says, looking at the view.
10 minutes later, Carlos rubs the branch he just carved in. ´There you go,´ he says, and he grins. Nina looks at Carlos and shakes her head. ´Why don´t you look at it, Nina? It took me 10 freaking minutes!´
´I´m scared,´ Nina says.
´Come here then,´ Carlos grabs her hand and says: ´Close your eyes.´
Nina closes her eyes. Carlos runs her fingers across the latters he just carved.
W..I..L..L..Y..O..U..M..A..
´Yes. Yes, yes, yes!!´ Nina exclamates. ´Give me my knife back, please,´ she says with her blue eyes wide open again. ´Give it,´ she giggles. Then, she starts carving right under Carlos´ proposal. With her tongue a little bit out of her mouth, Nina carefully carves out a single word of seven characters. ´Done. Let´s go.´
Carlos shrugs and climbs down. He holds Nina´s hand as he helps her get down as well. Before she gets into the car, he pulls her back and kisses her. They stumble back to the tree. Carlos tries to see what Nina wrote before they descended, but she keeps him from it by kissing him.
They make love under the tree and as they lay in the shade, in each other´s arms, Nina traces ten characters across Carlos´ chest.
F..O..R..E..V..E..R..
She looks at Carlos and whispers in his ear: ´Forever.´
´We´ll see about that then, dollface,´ Carlos winks at her.
´I mean it, and you know it,´ she says, seriously but also teasing.
´I know,´ Carlos says, and he starts laughing.
They walk to the car. ´I´ll take you places you have never seen before,´ he says as he opens the door for her.
´Which are?´ Nina asks him. He laughs again.
´You´ll see, girl,´ is all he says. ´Now, tell me, what would you like to see first?´ he asks Nina absent mindedly.
´The best,´ she replies. He thinks for a while and then looks at her.
´Ok.´ He starts the car and when he stops the car again after an about two hour drive, he says: ´There you go. The best of the best. For you.´
´Where are we?´ Nina asks.
´My spot. Get out of the car.´
Nina opens the door and steps out. ´Oh my..´ she says.
´I know. It´s the best, isn´t it?´ Carlos says.
But all Nina can say is: ´Oh my.. This truly is beautiful.´ She runs her hand through her hair and rests it on her mouth.
´It is,´ Carlos agrees. ´Hey, I want to ask you something..´
´Wait a minute,´ Nina interrupts him. ´I just want to do something.´ She looks around her and sees a couple of trees standing. She finds the on closest to the edge. She walks up to the ree and climbs it. Carlos watches from beneath. ´What are you doing?´ he yells up the tree.
´Nothing,´ Nina yells down.
Carlos climbs up the ree as well. ´God, the view is even nicer from up here.´
´Look,´ Nina says proudly, with a pocket knife in her hand.
´Oh..´ Carlos looks at the name Nina carved in one of the branches of the tree they were sitting in.
"Carinho," it said. "Sweetheart."
´I love you, Nina.´
´I love you too,´ Nina smiles at Carlos, her "carinho".
´Give me the pocket knife for a sec,´ he says, looking at the view.
10 minutes later, Carlos rubs the branch he just carved in. ´There you go,´ he says, and he grins. Nina looks at Carlos and shakes her head. ´Why don´t you look at it, Nina? It took me 10 freaking minutes!´
´I´m scared,´ Nina says.
´Come here then,´ Carlos grabs her hand and says: ´Close your eyes.´
Nina closes her eyes. Carlos runs her fingers across the latters he just carved.
W..I..L..L..Y..O..U..M..A..
´Yes. Yes, yes, yes!!´ Nina exclamates. ´Give me my knife back, please,´ she says with her blue eyes wide open again. ´Give it,´ she giggles. Then, she starts carving right under Carlos´ proposal. With her tongue a little bit out of her mouth, Nina carefully carves out a single word of seven characters. ´Done. Let´s go.´
Carlos shrugs and climbs down. He holds Nina´s hand as he helps her get down as well. Before she gets into the car, he pulls her back and kisses her. They stumble back to the tree. Carlos tries to see what Nina wrote before they descended, but she keeps him from it by kissing him.
They make love under the tree and as they lay in the shade, in each other´s arms, Nina traces ten characters across Carlos´ chest.
F..O..R..E..V..E..R..
She looks at Carlos and whispers in his ear: ´Forever.´
SOCIALSTANDARDS.
Isn´t life just a game of forgetting that we play? We all make mistakes and have mistakes made against us. But how many people don´t just wrap those mistakes up and keep going? It´s the ones who don´t that we often forget, and when we do remember them, it´s always in a bad way.
It is more socially acceptable to say that your sister or friend has died of AIDS or cancer, than as a result of an eating disorder or depression. Why?
A depression kills just as slowly and sneakily as one of the other aforementioned diseases. It´s NOT any less common, than everyone thinks it is, it´s just a taboo, a sign of so-called weakness.
´That girl has cancer.´
´What a shame, she´s so young, and such a beautiful person. What did she do to deserve cancer?´
VS.
´That boy committed suicide.´
´He probably did it as an act for attention and the situation got out of control.´
Well, first of all, why would anyone want any attention from YOU, you horrid person? And second of all, what did HE do to deserve a miserable life, followed by a miserable death?
Ever thought of the answer to THAT?
It is more socially acceptable to say that your sister or friend has died of AIDS or cancer, than as a result of an eating disorder or depression. Why?
A depression kills just as slowly and sneakily as one of the other aforementioned diseases. It´s NOT any less common, than everyone thinks it is, it´s just a taboo, a sign of so-called weakness.
´That girl has cancer.´
´What a shame, she´s so young, and such a beautiful person. What did she do to deserve cancer?´
VS.
´That boy committed suicide.´
´He probably did it as an act for attention and the situation got out of control.´
Well, first of all, why would anyone want any attention from YOU, you horrid person? And second of all, what did HE do to deserve a miserable life, followed by a miserable death?
Ever thought of the answer to THAT?
NOTRIGHTNOW.
I´ve seen it all. The roses, the notes, the excuses... But it all don´t matter. I would sacrifice most anything to be with you, my sweet, my love.
I know we are together, and I kno w you lovem e. But I also know you go around and sleep with others.
Hey, you know, I don´t even care. Not even a little bit. I would only start caring when you would, when you would start sending other girls the same kind of texts as you send me also.
I know that one day you will, but for now, I pray for you not to let me go.
Not right now.
I know we are together, and I kno w you lovem e. But I also know you go around and sleep with others.
Hey, you know, I don´t even care. Not even a little bit. I would only start caring when you would, when you would start sending other girls the same kind of texts as you send me also.
I know that one day you will, but for now, I pray for you not to let me go.
Not right now.
HOLDINGHANDS.
´What´s the problem with you and Mickael, lately?´ Medin asks me.
´You see, Medin, there are things I know, about Mickael, about us. And those things make me not know how to act when I´m with him. His eyes tell me too much,- when he looks me in the eye, I see everything. I see so many things, every time, and the more I see, the more I know. And the more I k n ow, the less I kn ow how to handle him,- the less I know what to do,´ I say, and I feel tears of desperation well up in my eyes. ´It makes me furious!´ I exclamate.
Medin says: ´That would make anyone furious. But tell me; what is it that you read in his eyes?´
´So many things,´ I cry. ´Like how he feels fragile when someone holds his hand. That´s why he hates it. That´s why I don´t do it. And I don´t know what else to do!´
´Hmm..´ Medin is silent in thought for a while, but then asks: ´What does your heart tell you you should do?´
I snif. ´That I should be with him.´
´And..?´
´And that I should hold his hand and tell him never to be scared again,´ I answer.
´Voici,´ Medin says.
´You see, Medin, there are things I know, about Mickael, about us. And those things make me not know how to act when I´m with him. His eyes tell me too much,- when he looks me in the eye, I see everything. I see so many things, every time, and the more I see, the more I know. And the more I k n ow, the less I kn ow how to handle him,- the less I know what to do,´ I say, and I feel tears of desperation well up in my eyes. ´It makes me furious!´ I exclamate.
Medin says: ´That would make anyone furious. But tell me; what is it that you read in his eyes?´
´So many things,´ I cry. ´Like how he feels fragile when someone holds his hand. That´s why he hates it. That´s why I don´t do it. And I don´t know what else to do!´
´Hmm..´ Medin is silent in thought for a while, but then asks: ´What does your heart tell you you should do?´
I snif. ´That I should be with him.´
´And..?´
´And that I should hold his hand and tell him never to be scared again,´ I answer.
´Voici,´ Medin says.
4.7.10
ANALYSETHIS.
"The world is turning, but the sun and I are holding still. Where did we go wrong? Was it something I did, or said? Or was it you? Tell me! Where did we go wrong?"
Your eyes. My eyes. So many secrets. When will the world stop turning and you give me a reason to live again? We were so happy, you and me. We were the definition of all that love encompasses. So what happened? What went wrong? I wish things would go back to normal. I wish we would make love again, and not just fuck. I wish your eyes would tell me truths again, instead of lies. I wish you would love me again.
"I wish we could start over. How about that? It wasn't you, or me, for that matter. It was just.. What do you call it... It was just....life. I guess." He shrugged. "I don't know what to say or do to make it all work again. I can only think of how we used to be. Perfect. So all I know is that it is possible for us to make it through. Doesn't every couple go through shit like this?"
"Like who?" I asked him.
"Like... David and Sam, for example," he answered.
"No shit, they went through hell. They´re not your regular couple, though. So who else?"
"Erm.. Patrick and Lydia."
"Pat and Lydia never have problem´s- they go to all parties together, make love everywhere, and are basically a married couple. Without all the shit that marriage brings, that is," I said reflectively.
He started laughing. "They go through shit alright."
"How would you know? It´s not like you´re Pat´s best friend or anything," I said. "And I can´t stand Lydia. With that obnoxious laugh of hers and the way she moves her hands when she talks.."
"Why do you think she laughs like that? It´s her look-at-me-I´m-careless-and-carefree-laugh. Means something is wrong and you know it. It´s all fake. She wants people to think what they think, but on the inside the obnoxious laughter you speak of, is only a cry for help," Fredrik looked at me. I said, bored, "Since when have you become so analytical, huh?" I downed my ice tea.
You never analyse me. The one screaming for help, is me. If you´d have paid any attention to me whatsoever, we weren´t in this shit right now.
"Since I´ve been with you," he said.
"Since you´ve been with me," I sounded like a parrot. An unbelieving parrot.
"Yes. You sit here, thinking what to do with me. You stare into my eyes, beggin me why I don´t ´analyse´ you. But I do, Zoya. I do."
What to do now? What to say?
"And now you´re wondering what to do." He laughed again. "You see, it´s easy. Your eyes tell me everything. Your truths, lies, secrets." He paused. "And one more thing."
"And what would that one thing be," I whispered breathlessly. He smiled warmly.
"That we´re going to make it."
Your eyes. My eyes. So many secrets. When will the world stop turning and you give me a reason to live again? We were so happy, you and me. We were the definition of all that love encompasses. So what happened? What went wrong? I wish things would go back to normal. I wish we would make love again, and not just fuck. I wish your eyes would tell me truths again, instead of lies. I wish you would love me again.
"I wish we could start over. How about that? It wasn't you, or me, for that matter. It was just.. What do you call it... It was just....life. I guess." He shrugged. "I don't know what to say or do to make it all work again. I can only think of how we used to be. Perfect. So all I know is that it is possible for us to make it through. Doesn't every couple go through shit like this?"
"Like who?" I asked him.
"Like... David and Sam, for example," he answered.
"No shit, they went through hell. They´re not your regular couple, though. So who else?"
"Erm.. Patrick and Lydia."
"Pat and Lydia never have problem´s- they go to all parties together, make love everywhere, and are basically a married couple. Without all the shit that marriage brings, that is," I said reflectively.
He started laughing. "They go through shit alright."
"How would you know? It´s not like you´re Pat´s best friend or anything," I said. "And I can´t stand Lydia. With that obnoxious laugh of hers and the way she moves her hands when she talks.."
"Why do you think she laughs like that? It´s her look-at-me-I´m-careless-and-carefree-laugh. Means something is wrong and you know it. It´s all fake. She wants people to think what they think, but on the inside the obnoxious laughter you speak of, is only a cry for help," Fredrik looked at me. I said, bored, "Since when have you become so analytical, huh?" I downed my ice tea.
You never analyse me. The one screaming for help, is me. If you´d have paid any attention to me whatsoever, we weren´t in this shit right now.
"Since I´ve been with you," he said.
"Since you´ve been with me," I sounded like a parrot. An unbelieving parrot.
"Yes. You sit here, thinking what to do with me. You stare into my eyes, beggin me why I don´t ´analyse´ you. But I do, Zoya. I do."
What to do now? What to say?
"And now you´re wondering what to do." He laughed again. "You see, it´s easy. Your eyes tell me everything. Your truths, lies, secrets." He paused. "And one more thing."
"And what would that one thing be," I whispered breathlessly. He smiled warmly.
"That we´re going to make it."
1.7.10
DONTPICKUP.PICKUP!
'What did she say?'
-She said she probably trusts you too much.
'And what did you say?'
-I said she probably did.
'What the..'
-Look, I'm her friend. But I'm also yours. So I said it didn't matter. People trust each other too much these days. I've never seen a love like yours.
'You didn't.'
-Oh, but I did.
'And what did she reply?'
-She ordered another drink.
'And?'
-And got drunk and when home with some guys.
'What the..'
-Look, I told you this before, but I'll tell you again, I'm your friend, but I'm also hers.. She well knows that girls go home with you. Now you know she does the same, except with guys.
'And the fact that I do the same, makes it alright, does it?'
-A little, yes. Hey, I'm only saying that you guys seem to want the same thing. And that's fun. IF you continue going like this, you'll only have... Well, fun. If you want her, you have to accept her and her past. She's ready for you, she's just waiting for you to make a move. Why not do it now?
'Ok.'
I picked up the phone and gave it to him. He trembled a little when he took it from me. Then, he dialed.
'Hey.. It's me again. Can you please call me? It's urgent,' he said, and he hung up.
-That was it?
'What do you mean?'
-I told you she's waiting for you to make a move. Not for you to put the move in her shoes.
'Fine. Watch this.'
He picked up the phone again and pressed the call button.
'Look, I kn ow you're listening. Just hear me out, okay? ... Erm, well. There's no words for this. Except: I want you. I want you, all of you. For me. I want this, whatever it is, to happen. I want US to happen. I'm ready for you, I just hope you're ready as well. And if you aren't... I'll wait. I'll wait to make you mine. Please pick up the..' [...] 'What?'
-What?
'..She hung up on me.'
-What did she say?
'..She just.. Hung up.'
-Yes, but what did she say?
'..She said she loves me.'
I laughed. -See?
I got a text and looked to my left. I giggled a little.
'What now?'
-See?
I pointed outside.
'What the..'
-Look, I'm out of here. I'll be right next door if you need me. Good luck.
I went outside and there she was: my friend Lydia. My friend who actually went home with me and no guys. I gave her a kiss.
-Good luck, I said. I smiled and walked away.
Sometimes people just need a step in the right direction.
-She said she probably trusts you too much.
'And what did you say?'
-I said she probably did.
'What the..'
-Look, I'm her friend. But I'm also yours. So I said it didn't matter. People trust each other too much these days. I've never seen a love like yours.
'You didn't.'
-Oh, but I did.
'And what did she reply?'
-She ordered another drink.
'And?'
-And got drunk and when home with some guys.
'What the..'
-Look, I told you this before, but I'll tell you again, I'm your friend, but I'm also hers.. She well knows that girls go home with you. Now you know she does the same, except with guys.
'And the fact that I do the same, makes it alright, does it?'
-A little, yes. Hey, I'm only saying that you guys seem to want the same thing. And that's fun. IF you continue going like this, you'll only have... Well, fun. If you want her, you have to accept her and her past. She's ready for you, she's just waiting for you to make a move. Why not do it now?
'Ok.'
I picked up the phone and gave it to him. He trembled a little when he took it from me. Then, he dialed.
'Hey.. It's me again. Can you please call me? It's urgent,' he said, and he hung up.
-That was it?
'What do you mean?'
-I told you she's waiting for you to make a move. Not for you to put the move in her shoes.
'Fine. Watch this.'
He picked up the phone again and pressed the call button.
'Look, I kn ow you're listening. Just hear me out, okay? ... Erm, well. There's no words for this. Except: I want you. I want you, all of you. For me. I want this, whatever it is, to happen. I want US to happen. I'm ready for you, I just hope you're ready as well. And if you aren't... I'll wait. I'll wait to make you mine. Please pick up the..' [...] 'What?'
-What?
'..She hung up on me.'
-What did she say?
'..She just.. Hung up.'
-Yes, but what did she say?
'..She said she loves me.'
I laughed. -See?
I got a text and looked to my left. I giggled a little.
'What now?'
-See?
I pointed outside.
'What the..'
-Look, I'm out of here. I'll be right next door if you need me. Good luck.
I went outside and there she was: my friend Lydia. My friend who actually went home with me and no guys. I gave her a kiss.
-Good luck, I said. I smiled and walked away.
Sometimes people just need a step in the right direction.
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