i LOVE YOU AS MUCH AS i CAN

There are things in life that we do not foresee. Things we do not wish upon anybody - even the thought of them merely knowing that you went through one of those things is something that you do not want the other person to experience, so you keep it a secret. A deep, dark secret, that becomes harder and harder to delve up as time progresses.

I have been through various of these things. And I know that I am not the only one who went through these things, but that doesn't make me feel any less guilty, ashamed or disgusted.

Several times now have I heard that you have to love yourself in order to love those around you - those who try to love you, over and over again. Is this true? I kept asking myself that question on a day-to-day basis. Well, I thought a few days back, it might not be. But it might as well be very true after all. So why not at least try to love oneself?

Being in an eating disorder clinic in Massachusetts has taught me a lot over the course of the past month and a half. I feel like I already like myself a lot better than I did before, even though I can't quite say that I love myself yet. I am in the process of loving myself, for the sake of being able to return the love that I receive from those around me. The love that I couldn't see (hence, accept) all this time.
The fact that I realise all of this, already says a lot, I think.

I try to look at this process on a day-to-day basis, just like I asked myself if the aforementioned statement was true on a day-to-day basis.
And you know what?

It might be true.
It might absolutely be true.