SENDINTHECLOWNS

You know that quote that says forget the people who are in the past because there
is a reason they didn't make it to your future?
Yeah, well.. What happens in the future, when those people come back?

I just thought of this after having had my first acting class in a long long time yesterday night. We read a piece from the musical 'A Little Night Music', from Stephen Joshua Sondheim. Fredrik, married to a young virgin bride who can't stand the thought of having intercourse, came back for the weekend to relive his romance with Desiree, an actress/courtesan. At the end of the chapter, there was a song, a quite famous one; 'Send In The Clowns.' Heart breaking, fragile. Absolutely what I feel like right now.
Of course the good times with Harrison had to come to an end and not only in the way that I had to go to Holland to see Roel and had to go to the graduation (which was fun to be at, by the way. Emotional, but fun). But also in other ways.. I'm not going to talk about that in this post; possibly in the next post, though. I have to leave for dance class in an hour and I still have to shower and polish one of my hands. Retard that I am.
Anyways.
Like Sondheim wrote:

Fredrik: Desiree, I'm sorry. I should never have come. To flirt with rescue when one has no intention of being saved...Do try to forgive me.

So what happens?
When two people find out that they belong, but somehow one of the two (or possibly both) is already engaged in such way that it is impossible for that person to become close with the person from the past again, even though he or she finds out that he/she has loved and will always love the other person, what do they do?!
Do they ignore it?
I can't do that. I already told Harrison that. He knows.
I lie to myself all the time. I like ignorance; ignorance is bliss, when it comes to a dreamworld, in which I'd much rather live than in the real world.
But this is the first time I'm not able to lie to myself. It's the first time it's real. It scares me. It scares the shit out of me. But it's real and that means that it's worth fighting for. Right? That means it's worth fighting for, because how many times do you find something that is real in this world,- the real world?