Rod & Belgium vegetables.

Christmas Eve was... Well, thank God it's over. We went to this fancy restaurant, where we had a 4-course meal, which was great! There were televisions all over the place, which was a bit dodgy, but the things that were shown on it, were pretty cool. It was Rod Stewart's Christmas Concert of O7 and it was pretty good, so you don't hear me complain about that.

We had some great turkey, with BELGIUM VEGETABLES!! Joy. (I don't get why they're called 'belgium vegetables', actually, because they're from Holland.. But ok.)

I don't want to get into details, whereas I actually did intend to get into all of the juicy details when I opened this window. Let's just get this to the core of the whole disaster:

My parents got drunk (especially my mom) and started dancing, while we were still sitting at the table. My mom grabbed my arm (I sat next to her) and she started to pull it and pull it and pull it some more. Everybody, but I mean everybody, was staring at us. I have never felt that embarrassed in my life, where the shame didn't relate to myself, but to somebody I was with. 

I don't get why my parents wanted me to come to Pattaya with them. My mother said that it'll most probably be the last Christmas that I'll spend with them, whereas I see it as one of the first Christmases that I'll be spending with them. When I move to the US to go to University (whatever Uni it may be), the only time I'll really be home, will be over Christmas. But that is what I expect. Who knows how things will turn out?

I have some New Year's resolutions (who doesn't). Most of them sound really cheesy, but if you actually know me and what has been going on for the past year in Hong Kong, you wouldn't think of it as cheesy, but as... Exactly describing the lack of self-being over 2OO8.

- Start writing again. I have spent way too much time whining about why I can't write anymore and I developed my entire theory on it, but let's face it, Camila,- that doesn't get us anywhere, does it?

- Study. And with 'Study' I mean actually being productive for once in my life. I need to get the best grades and have the best curriculum to get accepted at Sarah Lawrence University.

- Save money. Get my ass to work again and actually save the money I make. Last salary that I got was about 4000 hk$ and I only have 785$ left now. Where did it all go?! I have to start taking care of things and brining order into my FL (Financial Life), would be a great start.

- Stop being insecure about everything that I do and just.. Go for it. I miss that little grain of 'fuck it' in my life and I really want to introduce it to my life this year. Or at least try to..

- Suck up all the criticism I get and try not to take it personally. Be the best I can, basically.

- Safe skiing in Switzerland.

- Start the Debating Team at school and join Student United Nations! IMPORTANTISSIMO.

- Sleep enough (around 6 hours per night).

- Stick to a couple of close friends, not a lot of acquaintances.

- Stop talking about the past. Definitely stop talking about the past.

- Start focusing on the future (studying, housing, work, etc.).

- Success.

Of course, there are a lot more things that I want to do. Small things, big things.. But I have to start somewhere, don't I? I thought, I'd just make a small list to begin with (;

I hope you all had a great New Year's Eve and that you got home safe. Hehehe.

Let's make this a good year!

:O8.

Let’s do something original: write reflections on 2OO8.

As you know, this was my first year in the holy land of the 852. I am not too sure about how I have changed, but I do know for a fact that I have changed.
I would like to tell you why I have. I would like to tell you what happened,- whohappened. I would like to thank you. Thank you.

Melissa v. W.: you make my life worth living. Everyday I love you more and more and I want to thank you for showing me that this kind of love doesn’t just exist in fairytales, but also in real hearts of real people. The world is lucky to have you and I am even luckier. Ik hou meer van je dan ik kan verwoorden, opperaap. Sorry for the heinous, jealous bitch that I am sometimes.. Know that it is all sprung from the love that I cherish.

Roel M.: everywhere I go, you go too. Over the past year, I’ve come to realize that my love for you is not only pure in its purest form, but it also does not need a reason to exist. You are the one person that showed me how love can grow steadily with the day, without having to see each other. Like I said: everywhere I go, you go too. I can’t wait till you’re here physically as well. Thank you for loving me and making me a better person through doing so. Thank you for being my friend. Thank you for being in my life. I miss you.

Bram v.d. B.: this summer I noticed that it doesn’t matter if we see each other or not. It doesn’t matter if I only go to a different school or if I live on the other side of the world. Because whenever we do see each other, everything seems to be the same as before. I love how we never needed a lot of words to understand each other (especially from your side, as I like to talk, hehe) and I want you to know that you are one of those reasons that make me realize from time to time, that there is no reason for me to be unhappy, except maybe for the fact that you’re on the other side of the planet… But that is going to change soon! You asked me when you’re finally able to come to Hong Kong and my answer is, and always will be: “I thought you were coming yesterday! But it’s fine if you come today or tomorrow.” Know that my door is always open for you.

Timothy S.: I remember the 27th of August like it was yesterday,- not because it was my 18th birthday, but because that was the day that you left to England at 9 am. I thought I would miss you less and less, but the opposite happened. Nobody has ever loved me the way you do and I can’t thank you enough for that. I do not know what made you think that I deserved all that, but I thank you for seeing whatever you see. You are the person that made me happiest this year and I think it is unnecessary for me to say that I will always love you, as it is pretty obvious (my opinion). I miss you more than I can say and I hope I see you soon again, no matter how inappropriate that may be at the moment. You are gorgeous. Come back. Please, come back..<3

Lavinia d.L.: what can I say? You are my rock and I love you for it. I'm going to miss you way too much when you're off to Uni. Please keep in touch and let me know how you're doing in University-land. Thanks for being in my life <3

Tiffany L.: thank you immensely for taking care of me when I needed that (both physically and mentally) and a big sorry for being the jealous bitch that I am. We need to develop our cult,- it’s been too long, my dear. More words are not necessary to speak: you are my heart.

Prakash S.: your insecurity frightens me. Your perseverance and view on things make me want to run and hide under a rock, because I feel ashamed for not being the same. At the same time, you push me to be the best I can be. Even though your bluntness hits my head like a rock sometimes, it also cuts right through the darkness and makes me see light with a dazzling intensity. Thank you, for all of this. You are amazing in every single way I can think of. Don’t worry, mate,- be happy! I love you.

Dhruv S.: HOW COULD YOU LEAVE ME LIKE THAT. I miss you so much that it hurts, but I’m happy for you that you went. You seem to really like it out there in Pune and you have more chances to grab onto there than you would have had if you would have stayed in the 852. I think it’s great you’re doing this all but I hope you realize how you belong here in HONG KONG,- with ME. Hm. I miss you. x Princess. Hehe.

Jeroen v.d. V.: what am I going to do without you? ☹ I bet you have never met anyone as tech-dummy as I am. Thanks for solving les problemos. Highly appreciated, hehe. I can’t believe that ‘us’ came to be through a stupid movie that I copied from your stick (ok, now, THAT sounds just a bit fishy..). Seems more than that,- it seems longer than that. I’m going to miss you heaps when you leave for Uni. Keep in touch,- I’ll visit (unless it’s one of those maths&tech Unis with a boy : girl-ratio of 21:1).

Sean W.-M.: CHINARUNAWAY! Nuff said. I love you. A lot. Do not leave my life. Wait, why is there a hole in the building again??

Jal C.: even though we don’t really talk anymore, I want to thank you for all the times that we did. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me. I guess all good things have to come to an end sooner or later, but I have to say.. I’d never say no to some hot chocolate!

Gideon W.: I just wrote down your name on the 'list' and I realised that I've never actually seen you after school, except for at the Dinnerdance, its 'afterparty' and Gineke's houseparty. A shame, in my opinion; you're great company (I'm keeping aside the farting, when I say that you're great company) and I love it when you're being a smart-ass again. And even though you're being a smart-ass 99% of the time, there is that 1% left, which I sometimes really need. Thanks for listening to me when necessary and thanks for noticing when it's necessary in the first place. I'm really happy I got to know you and I wish you the best of luck with everything this year c: (STOP FARTING.)

Katie L.: you and your gorgeous soul,- I love everything about you. You are the only person I know that can be angry because of winning an award for being the ‘happiest person’ of the year, only because she can’t win ‘Best Dressed’ anymore. We should definitely see for the summer holidays that are coming, because together we can make them the best.

Ailynn M.: there is no way that I can stop tears from falling from your beautiful eyes, but at least let me cry with you. My love for you is infinite in every way that it can be and that is why I will never stop trying to stop the tears from falling. It is amazing how you like people for who they are and not for who your other friends want them to be. You are a dolphin and a shark,- both…at the same time. I remember the photoshoot on IFC Roof that wasn’t a real photoshoot. In 15 minutes, I shot a couple of my best shots ever that had someone in it and you know how I feel about photoshoots: it’s the model that does the work,- I just click. I hope we’ll do the ‘real one’ soon enough. Life doesn’t seem to be willing to help much, however.. Ah well. I also remember our blowjobs. I’m so sorry for ruining your evening by losing my mom’s cellphone. I hope we’ll re-do the evening when I’m back in the 852 and that it’ll be memorable. To irony! There is a lot more that I remember, but what I want to conclude with, is this: you do not trust me too much. Do never be afraid. If you’re a dolphin, I’m a dolphin. If you’re a shark, I’m a shark. And you’re both at the same time. Words lose all their worth when I try explaining how much I love you. Because I actually do love you.

Hae Byn Y./Ashley Y.: okay, so you left. And how… I know that we didn’t have a proper goodbye, but we also both know why,- it doesn’t have to be repeated. Somehow we seem to have a weird, weird relationship-thing. I still can’t fully believe what happened that first ‘conversation’ we had.. I was just saying things; you hardly said anything! But if it was good for you, it was good for me. We didn’t really hang out that much, but the times we did, are sharp in memory: once in SupStud (“Are you bi or a lesbian?”), Fairwood with Zulia (“sticks”, “choppies”), the airport (oh dear), Causeway Bay (with the black woman (; ), Times Square Roof (‘oops!’), the Shisha bar (with a drunk Ailynn and your suddenly drop-dead gorgeous sister) and ..yeah. I just remember all those different occasions like they were yesterday. I am so happy for meeting you and I was ecstatic to see you again when you were in the 852 again before Christmas. I didn’t show it, but that is my pride. Somehow you felt as if I could see through you (when I just got to know you), but when I saw you in that Shisha bar, you asked me merely 2 questions that nobody has EVER asked me (which is not that weird, because we’re talking about Hong Kong here..). “You don’t look good. You’re not okay, are you?” You actually SAW that even though I looked normal for a daily life, I didn’t look happy or whatever people are supposed to be. I’ve noticed myself that I look different: in pictures, in mirrors.. You name it. But you threw one glance in my direction and immediately questioned the fact that I said that I was ‘good, good, fine.’ Thank you so much for that,- I really needed it. Then you asked if it was because of… Well, we all know what. “What else could there be?” You just looked at me and for a moment I thought that your eyes went sad. I love you Daisy. And I hate to admit it, but I actually miss you a lot. I mean, not every single day or when I do, I don’t miss you every waking moment of the day, but when I miss you, I really miss you. It sucks so badly that I was in Thailand over Christmas and New Year.. I still owe you 4 bucks! Maybe I should just go to England to give you them, that might be an idea. (; Anyway, I guess you ‘know’ what I am going to say.. I wish you a great year, may it be in the UK or in HK. I hope that you find happiness and love because, honestly.. You are one of the few people that truly deserve those.


And last but definitely not least:
Timothy B.: 'Enough. Enough now." Remember the last time that I tried talking to you? And that you literally ran away, into the men’s room, to hide? Well, I do. I’m sorry if it offended you, but I only wanted to apologise. I wanted to apologise for the fact that the things that happened, happened. I wanted to say I’m sorry that I couldn’t be who you wanted me to be and I’m sorry that I couldn’t pretend not to care, like everybody else. You made me happier than I could ever imagine, but I can’t recall why. I miss you in my life. I miss your laughter, your tears, your love, your hate… I miss everything. But I don’t know why. I am not able to remember why I saw in you what I saw in you. I guess it was the recognition that was everything I needed. We are so very alike that only thinking about it, gives me a heartache. The core thing we have in common, is the façade that we both keep pulling on ourselves. But I grew up, Tim. Did you? Are you ready to look at yourself from a distance and see the façade?! I hope you can. I would mean the first step to overcoming your addiction,- your addiction to self-destruction. Please know that you will never ruin what you’ve built up in me. You made my heart grow with every little thing you did and didn’t do. You didn’t end up breaking my heart,- you just left it in its place, beating painfully against my chest, with every breath I took. But this is the end of 2OO8 and as I am writing this, I am saying goodbye. Goodbye 2OO8, goodbye Tim. I miss you in my life, but wouldn’t want you back in it for the world. I do not hate you, my heart is not able to hate you. And even though you hate me now (reasons unknown, still. I do not understand how you, of all people, can hate me), I want to thank you. You showed me that nothing is what it seems. Or, better even: that everything is what it seems…. I hope you have the best of years the coming year and that you will find what you are truly looking for. Goodbye 2OO8. Goodbye Tim. 


I owe myself an apology: I was not myself after April, the break up, everything. I lost myself and even after I noticed over summer, I couldn’t really change it back. It was as if I was staring at myself from a distance,- a small distance, but too big for me to reach over. I saw the differences and I saw them getting more radical, but I couldn't do anything about it,- it seemed to be completely out of me. I stopped writing, I stopped talking, even. It’s just that every time I tried to write (sometimes literally sat down with a piece of paper and only stared into the wasted space around me), the words seemed to….dry up. I felt like I had so much to say, so much to write, but I couldn’t put a pen down to paper. It was as if I was in a dark room and I couldn’t see anything around me, but as soon as my eyes started to recognize the figures in the dark, something turned the light on. It always left me seeing stars, just like when you stand up too quickly. When my eyes finally got used to the intense light and finally seemed to find words to put down, the light went off again and I saw stars again. I don’t feel like myself anymore,- April, gossip, IB and so much more, all took something from me. But I am happy again and even though this year has left me confused and with no self-known identity, I am looking forward to 2OO9. The good thing about not knowing who you have become, is that you can be whoever you want to be. Sorry, Camila, for not knowing who I wanted to be for a while.



Have a great year, you all.
I wish you everything good! And more.
Love, Camila

First and second thoughts.

What a fine, fine Christmas this was.
NAWT.
I woke up this morning and the first thing I thought, was literally that.
I looked to my side to find that my sister had already left to her diving course, which will take up 5 entire days of the holiday. Happy for her, not so happy for me. But I smiled and said I was happy. For her. The reason I'm not going too, is because I am blessed with the disease epilepsy. I am supposed to take my medication every morning after breakfast (which I keep missing every day here, because I just don't wake up on time) and I cannot do all the cool stuff, like: getting my driver's license, bungee jumping, swimming in a swimming pool by myself with no supervision (that knows of my illness), showering when I am home alone, taking a bath on my own, parasailing, sky-diving and, of course, 'normal' diving. Sucks.
Fortunately, in half a year, I can finally do these things (again)!! Looking forward to it, I genuinely am (:
(The reason why I can do it again in half a year, is because it's exactly a year and a half ago that I had my last big seizure and.. well, these are the laws of epilepsism.)

My second thought of the day,- literally, the second.. Was that I hate whining to you guys. But you know, I guess nobody's really reading it anyway, so it doesn't matter all that much.. And still, I feel bad about only having shit things to say. At the moment, I am just in a piss mood, but overall.. My blog isn't exactly the funnest of all blogs on blogspot.com and I kinda want to try making it a bit happier.
The thing with blogger is that it's the only place where I can rant about what I actually feel, without smashing vases against the wall and fighting with the people around me. It's a sort of therapy, I guess. It helps me to put the things in a row inside my head, so I see things clearer and there's the fact that it prevents me from smashing things/people.
Nevertheless, I am absolutely going to try and be happier from now on. As you already could see before (but you didn't, because you're not reading this), I posted a couple of pictures of the most gorgeous bags and a link to the most wonderful website ever (may I remind you: http:/dlgg.oh-aspiration.org/ )(if you didn't see it before: en-freaking-joy!). I might do that more often. Even though 80 percent of the blogs on blogspot.com are about fashion, it is the only thing I can think of at this moment that can make me happy (and sad at the same time, because I am broke again). So if you like fashion, stay posted (:


Lots of love, and a merry belated Christmas! Hope you guys had great Christmases!
I'll tell you about mine in the next post.

-Camil.

Spoiled bitch.

Dear lovebirds!

I'm going to Thailand tomorrow,- Pattaya, to be exactly.

Now, I don't know if you know anything about this place, but the only things that I know, are that:

1. It's HOT.

2. It's pretty.

3. It's a prostitute resort.

I really really do NOT want to go. I'd love to go to Thailand one day, but not with Christmas, and especially not this Christmas!

Why?

1. I have tons and tons of homework to do. I already have massive concentration issues, but it doesn't particularly help that I'm going to a beautiful place on the planet where the weather is good and I've never been to before.

2. A couple of my best friends are back in Hong Kong now, which includes Dhruv, who goes to boarding school in Pune (India) now. I miss him so fucking much,- it's almost unbearable. And now he's finally back and I've only had one opportunity to meet him this far. Tomorrow night I'm leaving for Pattaya and I won't be able to see him anymore.

3. I met some awesome new people, just like I mentioned before. They will be gone by the time I get back, which sucks majorly.

4. I won't get to know new people, because due to the riots, strikes and financial crisis, nobody is even thinking of going on a holiday to Thailand. Friendless for life, 'yay'!

5. Christmas for me, means a cold time that gets warmed up with the stuff around it. Christmas is not: lying on a beach all day long to see who gets brownest. It's 29 degrees in Pattaya at the moment.

6. I hate the beach anyway. Even when it's summer and you're supposed to be sunbathing,- I avoid it.

7. I won't be able to go out. My parents and grandparents will be with me 24/7 and if they are not, then my sister will be. Don't get me wrong, I love her to death, I really do. I love her more than anything in the world. But she is 13. Now that is young, especially when it comes to going out.. Gahh.

8.  Loads of things were already scheduled a long time ago: I was going to have lunch with Sylvia, I was going to do a sleepover with Tiffany, I was going to have dinner at Dhruv's house every night (just kidding, darling (; ), I was going to go watch Madagascar 2 (how cool is that!!!?? I KNOW right!!) with a couple of friends, I was going to go out with Christmas with the people I met 4 nights ago and I was going to have dinner on New Year's Eve because of Claudia's 17th birthday, Christmas & the New Year. AND SO MUCH MORE. Now I had to cancel everything again and made a complete fool out of myself. It wouldn't have been this bad if only I had known before and could've cancelled everything like.. a week ago. Geez.

In case you didn't notice yet: I am freaking pissed off.

It's not just the fact that we're going. It's the way that it's been taken care of:

-My dad asks me if I want to go.

-I think about it for 10 minutes.

-I say I think it's best for me to stay, because of a lot of homework and already scheduled appointments with friends that live on the other side of the world now.

-My dad tells me to think about it for a while and tell him the day afterwards.

-I think about it.

-I tell him the day afterwards that I want to stay and I give him the above 8 reasons (in different words, however. I know when to be diplomatic.).

-He looks at me.

-He looks away.

-Later in the evening, I ask my sister: 'Are we going or not??!'

-My sister answers that she was eavesdropping and 'by coincidence' heard that we are both going with them to Pattaya.

What is this? I don't even get to hear where I'm going anymore??

And why do people ask me what I want if they're just going to ignore me when the answer isn't what they'd like/expect to hear??! Jesus-CHRIST.

It's not that I don't appreciate the fact that we're going, by the way. Because I really appreciate it. I just don't want to go NOW.

God, I feel guilty for not willing to go. I feel like such a spoiled little brat, but I can't help it. I honestly think I have good reasons not to want to go to Thailand this holiday.... It's just a waste of money.

This only shows that I shouldn't look forward to anything,- not even holidays!

It can only fucking disappoint me..

F u c k  m y  l i f e .

TB-realisation.

Shit, I just realised how much I miss Tim Brown (yes, that is the Ex)(yes, the Dick). It's insane. I even told my tutor about it, did I tell you that? Apparently he knows him, because he used to work at the school Tim used to go to. Gludgrmpffd.

Fucking heroine-addict.

And he can't stop, because as soon as he does, he goes *phiet-phiew, cold turkey.

I don't know what to do.. Everything's out of my hands since he's broken up with me.

I already knew that I wasn't over him,- far from over. I still cry myself to sleep sometimes, sad as it may seem. But I always seemed to be thinking that I could still be there for him. I start realising now, that that is far from true..

I can't still be there for him.

Even if he would come to me, if anyone would come to me, to help him.. I wouldn't be able to.

..

It would get me into an even deeper hole than it did before.

I honestly don't think I would be able to do that again. I don't even know if I'm not doing it anymore..

I'm still climbing upwards and I realised that I have a longer way to go than I thought.

I'm making flowers out of paper,

while darkness takes the afternoon.

I know that they won't last forever,

but real ones fade away too soon.

I still cry, sometimes when I remember you.

I still cry, sometimes when I hear your name.

I said goodbye and I know you're alright now,

but when the leaves start falling down, I still cry..

It's just that I recall september.

It's just that I still hear your song..

It's just I can't seem to remember, 

forever more those days are gone.

I still cry, sometimes when I remember you.

I still cry, sometimes when I hear your name.

I said goodbye and I know you're alright now,

but when the leaves start falling down, I still cry..

I still cry, sometimes when I remember you.

I still cry, sometimes when I hear your name.

I said goodbye and I know you're alright now,

but when the leaves start falling down, I still cry..

But when the leaves start falling down, I still cry.....

The broken lovebird.

A couple of days ago, Tim and I broke up. I told him that it is too hard to handle the distance and he understood. Especially because I want to go to the United States after another year and a half in Hong Kong and he'll be staying in the UK. It is not that I don't like you, I already wrote: I absolutely love him, with all of my heart. But what am I supposed to do? Restrict myself from all fun I can have over the coming years? Restricting him from all the fun he can have over the coming years?

As, from my point of view, it is supposed to fail, there is no point in restricting ourselves from anything. It just doesn't make sense to me to stay together, if we know that we are going to break up in a year or so anyway. So yeah.

When my aunt just asked me how my boyfriend was (over Skype), I got remembered of the crude fact that I didn't let the whole blogger-community know that.... I am  s i n g l e .

..

It doesn't feel like it though.

When there is an entire world in between of two people and they break up, you don't notice, because nothing really changes. The difference stays the same and it's not like you stop missing each other almost every moment of the day.

It's driving me insane, to be honest.

The only difference between now and then, is that I can actually say it out loud, when someone has a nice ass.

But whatever. What are we really talking about? I'm only 18.

I'm not even supposed to think of long term relationships and moving in.

The distance just makes it easier, I guess..

Anyway. I'm getting kind of confused. I think it's the whole thing about being 'single' again, but I don't know why everything has to happen at once again. I mean.. All of a sudden, 2 of the hottest girls in my year claim to be bi and honestly.. They are hot. Dayum.

I have a good friend, from Chinese International School, whom I hardly ever see, but whenever I do, I always feel attracted to her. It's just not fair how people that you know are not good for you (considering relationships or just 'quick flings'), always are the people you find yourself attracted to mostly.

This holidays, I already met a lot of new people. Some of them are just a year above me in school (still younger than I am, though) and others are on a holiday. One of them is called David and he's in my school now (as I said: the year above mine). I met him when I went out a couple of days ago and we basically chilled with some mutual friends until 4 in the morning, hehe. Another guy that I met that night, doesn't go to my school anymore. He used to be in David's class, but he moved to Canada (-.-). His name is Pascal and he's Swiss. We alway speak French with one another and he's actually one of the most awesome people I've ever met, hehe. Just friends though, but it's fun to flirt. No harm in that, right?

Ok but the girls.. That just sucks. 

My parents don't know I am bi, by the way. I've known since I was 12/13 and it's not that I am ashamed or afraid to tell them (well, I may be the last one....). I just want to have a reason to tell them. You don't tell you're parents you're straight either, do you?

Now ok, I know,- it's not all and all the same, but I just want to have a reason to risk fighting with my parents. I'm not particularly looking forward to it anyway and I want to wait until I find the right person to 'come out' with. When I'm actually sure of the person, I can start talking about the fact that I like both sexes.

It's actually a lot more logical to like both than just one (either through being straight or being gay)(it's all the same to me; restrictions). Why? Well, let me ask you something. Have you never told your girlfriends that 'it's all about the inside' and that 'it doesn't matter what someone looks like, as long as he/she is a good person and benefits you as a person' ?

If you say that you've never said either one of those or both, you either lie or you're weird. Everybody should at least have said it 3 times or have thought it.

Actually, I don't really care a lot about what you've said or thought. The point is, that I think it is hypocritical to say things like that, but at the same time restrict yourself to liking only one sex. Now I know: you don't restrict yourself,- you get born that way. Unless you don't 'label' yourself. I hate labeling, but I label myself, because I know that's what I am: bi.

I love people. I love being in love. I don't see the logic in falling in love with only one sex, because wasn't it 'about the inside'? You fall in love with the person, not with the way he or she looks. Or you're a hypocrite.

To be honest, I never claimed only to fall for the inside of a person. I think it's a lie. But as almost every single creature on the planet seems to be willing to lie to themselves and believe that,- ah well. I think that sexuality isn't about 'falling in love', but with attraction. Love is completely different from attraction. I could tell,- there was this one guy who got on my nerves SO badly, but I still wanted him really really badly. He wasn't necessarily 'hot' or 'handsome', but he just had that ...'something'.

Now, personally.. I don't relate that to sexuality. I don't see why someone from the same sex can't be attractive in your eyes. Wouldn't it be a bit hypocritical of us to say that we don't feel attracted to our friends from the same sex, at least a BIT? When you're friends, you should see that special something in each other,- you should see the good things, no matter how many 'bad' things there appear to be. You're friends,- you're supposed to see those special things in each other.

I might just be a freak.

But ok. I just came out on the internet. On my blog. Which is being read regularly by my aunt and uncle from Portugal. Yes. Family.

Ok.

I'm gonna go slam my head against a wall now. (:

Fare thee well, lovebirds!

Why I was surfing for 3 hours straight yesterday....

Lalalala.

Hardly ever been this happy at the sight of a website. Of course there are amazing websites out there, and indeed,- I visit most of them regularly. But I forgot about all of them.

Http://net-a-port.com/ is an amazing website and I'm on it a lot of my time (hehehehe)

BUT THE WEBSITE BELOW OWNS EVERYTHING I'VE EVER SEEN.

EVEN HYVES, FACEBOOK AND ALMOST BLOGGER.

This is serious business.

Http://dlgg.oh-aspiration.org/

Now, if that isn't just the COOLEST, AWESOMEST, AMAZINGEST, WONDERFULEST thing you've EVARRRRR seen.....

..you're a loser. (:

Amamamaazing! Camilla in love!

Look what I have found!

Amazing amazing amazing amazing amazing amazing:

Chloe (chain handle tote)

I really do need that job. Right now!!!!

Arghblubshrgup!!

Yummy stuff! & I'M NOT EMO!!!!

Oh Lord. It is almost Christmas!

Normally, I don't particularly look forward to Christmas or the Christmas holidays. The only thing I do look forward to, is being with my (Portuguese) family,- the people I hardly see.

Well, this year....I'm not seeing them either, except for my grandparents, who have been staying with us for 3 months till now. They're staying another month and then they're going back to Portugal. I'll miss them, especially my grandmother.

Oh dear.. Christmas.

I never thought it would be possible: looking forward to Christmas in Hong Kong. It's just so cute, how all the lights are out and it just feels.... Cosy. It is so nice to finally feel home.

Too bad it won't snow, though.

I know I won't get any of these things, but it isn't as if a girl can't dream, right?

Bags, bags, bags.

I'm addicted. Dhugfsg.

Chloe and Marc Jacobs

Alexander McQueen (Elvie patent leather tote)
Marc by Marc Jacobs (Faridah shoulder bag)
Jimmy Choo (tube mirror clutch)
Jimmy Choo (tube patent clutch)
Celine (satine box clutch)Michael Kors (sutton patent clutch)
Anya Hindmarch (piano python clutch)

Hmmm. Yummy!!

I can't wait till I start working again (WHICH IS ONLY IN FEBRUARY!!!)(hmpfh), so I get more money, so I get new bags and clothes and (yes, I do believe that that comes along)(at least for a bit) happiness. Not all happiness can be bought, but money sure helps. At least I don't have to ask for things and I can pay for my things myself. I feel less guilty than I would if you would ask my parents for money.

This whole week is Dress Differently Week, by the way. Every day, we have a different 'theme' and we're supposed to dress up to it. Monday was 'Dreamjob', Tuesday was 'Favourite Character/Own Superhero with Own Superpower', Today it is 'High School Stereotypes', Thursday it is 'Twins, Triplets, Groups' and Friday it is 'Christmas'.

On Monday and Tuesday, I didn't dress up. Except for the camera-necklace I wore on Monday, with a really fashionably-over-the-top-for-school outfit: I claimed to be a fashion photographer. 'Yay'!

Today, however, I did something completely different. High School stereotypes is a pretty cool theme and so I decided to make work of it. I went to school as a 'Scene Girl'. Scene kids are totally 'it' in the UK nowadays,- Scene Kids are basically emo, but they say they're not. The clothes that Scene Kids wear, are almost exactly the same (except that they don't ONLY wear black, but they neutralise it with for example khaki and/or brown-ish) and they wear terrible eye-makeup, just like emos. So except for the khaki/brown colours, the only thing that basically divides the Scene Kids from the emos, is the shouting of 'I am not emo, I am not emo, I am NOT emo!' [etc.]

Here are some pictures I took in the morning, just before going to school:

Remember! I am NOT emo!!

Love,

-Camilla